Sunday, May 31, 2009


To my regular readers, sorry for no special post. I am on vacation with my family. Today is our first day NOT traveling, so I'm a little behind. Already, however, God has been teaching me volumes about patience, love and standing strong in my faith against the enemy. As I collect more "experiences" I sure there will be a narrative produced in the near future. Two days in a car with the WHOLE family for 700 miles definitely produces "character building moments."

I pray all of you have a blessed week and check back later this week.

God bless!

Sunday, May 24, 2009


In December of 1995, my husband and I made the tough decision to stop our four year pursuit of infertility treatments and seek adoption options to start our family. I recall the exact phrase I said to my husband, “There is already a baby boy or girl out there who needs us to be his or her parents.” I began praying that night for God to open up the doors of adoption.

Before I even knew my son really existed, I started loving him. I loved him before I met him. I loved him when I finally did meet him face to face. I continued loving him even when circumstances prevented him from living in my home and he went to live with another family for six months. I still loved him when we were reunited and my love grew for him when he finally started living in my home. For two years, our relationship grew and my love for him grew but he wasn’t really “mine”. Finally, on April 15, 1998, the little baby boy I had grown attached to became MY SON! Forever! My love for him never stopped in fact, it only grew bigger and stronger. Now ten years later, I love him more than ever before.

My adoption story is very similar to that story and one that is actually shared with many people reading this story. Before I was even born in March in the early 60's, someone loved me. He loved me before we met. He loved me when I got older and finally did meet him. He continued loving me even when I chose not to be associated with him and went away for a while. He loved me when we were reunited some years later. I spent time with him getting to know him more and finally, on March 26, 1976, at the age of 12, he adopted me into his family at my request and I became the daughter of the King. God is my adopted father and our love for each other has grown through out my life.

God knew you and loved you even before you were born. He loved you before he met you. He loved you even when you knew about him and chose to go another way. He loves you still today and if you will choose to seek a relationship with him, you too can become a daughter or son of the King. As all adoptions require a choice to be made, you must make the choice to be God’s child, he will not force it upon you. However, I can tell you, as someone who has lived in God’s family for 33 years, there is no better place to be. I have a constant companion to help me through tough times, unconditional love…even when I really screw up, a family history book and teacher to help me make my life better and more meaningful, tons of brothers and sisters to keep me company and give me encouragement, and best of all the assurance of living forever in a perfect place with my adopted Father.

There is always room in my family for more sons and daughters. If you are interested in being part of my adopted family, stop looking in other places for this acceptance and start looking to God. He’s the only one who can make it happen. Best of all, he is waiting for you. He knows you are coming and he loves you very much. Now is a good time to complete your adoption story. Just stop and talk to God and tell him you’re sorry for letting sin take over your life. Ask him to forgive you and rest in his strong arms of love. If you want, I will introduce you to Him.

After you've had time to think about this some more you may have some questions, feel free to email me or leave a comment below. Here are some things God would want you to know about being adopted into his family:

"Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.

I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
How I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day."
Psalm 139:13-16 (The Message)

"This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person's failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him.
John 3:16-18 (The Message)

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus,”
Romans 3:23-24 (RSV)

“How blessed is God! And what a blessing he is! He's the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in him. Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son.”
Ephesians 1:4-6 (The Message)

Sunday, May 17, 2009


This past Mother’s Day started out like any other Sunday morning except my husband and I got to enjoy a quiet breakfast together before the kids got up. When my teenage son finally got up, the harmony in the house came to a screaming halt when he and my preschool daughter attempted to fix themselves cereal for breakfast. To my son’s defense, he was not totally at fault, my daughter gets upset easily when people try to do things for her and it just so happens that my son feels it necessary to dominate her and “help” her too much.

I tried to let it go and have them work out the problem, but the yelling and screaming quickly became unbearable. I gave a rather loud mini sermon about how they both should behave and asked that they try to get along today for me, since it was Mother’s Day. I hated that I allowed myself to get all worked up so I took a walk to calm down.

I walked and talked with God, and cried on his shoulder. “You want me to trust you God and learn to be loved by others, but how can I do that when I get hurt most of the time? All I want God is a family that can function without me if necessary. I want a husband who can take charge and handle emotionally exploding children when necessary. I want children who respect their parents and each other. I want maturity in a family. I’m tired of being needed all the time to put out the same immature ‘fire’ every day. God I want my heart to be right with you now so that I can go to church and worship freely. Please forgive me for being so angry and selfish.”

Upon arriving at church, 20 minutes late, I discovered that one of our worship team members who usually has to work on Sundays, was there and was singing. I was so glad to see her. In fact, I thought, I don’t have to sing today, but something kept pulling me that direction. My daughter even begged to go sing with the team, so I took my place on the stage. However, the longer I sang in practice, the heavier and heavier my heart became and even my face felt like it was on the floor. The thought kept running through my mind that I was not supposed to be singing with the team that day.

Finally, when we got to the last practice song, God of Miracles my heart finally began to soften to God’s voice. Just like during practice when we sang that song, I cried all the way through it. I agreed not to sing during the service, but I was puzzled as to why I was so emotional. As I tried to calm myself down, I told God that if this emotional break down was caused by an evil spirit, please Lord you rebuke it and send it away, but if it is from you God, please open my understanding to what you want me to learn from it.

After worship began, I started to just listen to the music and write. Here is what God laid on my heart: (words in italics are words to the song, “God of Miracles”)

God of Miracles

God who makes me whole

I will worship you

My soul longs for you

My soul longs for you

Trust, loving others,

Expectations – Disappointment

Painful let down

Do I dare ask God for more?

More from my family?

More from myself?

More from God?

It’s you who heals and forgives

Jesus I believe.

What do I need to learn from you today God?

My Soul longs for you!

God replied to me:

Take your eyes off of temporal things. It’s not about your family and how they serve you. What about Me? How are you serving Me? Where is your heart and attitude? What you want for yourself, is what I want from you!

I want to know that you can carry on in the power I have entrusted you with. I am pouring myself into you. What are you doing with it? Be a good steward of what I’ve given you. Are you just storing it?


My Reply to God:

I thought I was using the Spirit in my soul. I’m sorry God. Help me to understand what you want. I want to go beyond the elementary teachings of Christ. I want to apply your principles to everything I do.

You love my affection, but you really want me to live my life honorably, to make you proud. Just like I love my son and his hugs, but I’d rather he live his life honorably to make me proud of who is becoming.

You want me to stop complaining, stop arguing and start being mature in my faith. What does this maturity look like God? Actions? Attitude?

Help me metabolize your word and make it part of my being so that I will recognize you in my actions and attitude. Be of the mind of Christ, put on the armor of God.

“But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.

Therefore let us leave the elementary doctrine of Christ and go on to maturity, not laying a foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God, and of instructions about washings, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment. And this we will do if God permits.” Hebrews 5:14-6:3

God, I wanted a family that could just get along. One that could sustain itself in my absence. I want each person to stand up and do their job and stop clinging to me to do everything for them.

God, is the sorrow and pain I felt on this day because of my family’s actions, the same sorrow and pain you feel for us, your children, because we are not fulfilling the plan you have for us? You want to accomplish something here on earth, but we are your dysfunctional family. You are teaching me about you through my own eyes. I am feeling some of what you are feeling.

The heart of Christ. The mind of Christ. The love of Christ.

Thanks God for speaking to me and answering my prayers today, just when I needed them answered most.

Your recovering dysfunctional daughter

Sunday, May 10, 2009


2 Timothy 2:21, 22, 24-26

 “Therefore if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy; useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work.”

 “So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”

 “And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness.  God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of truth and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.”

 God I believe I am that honorable vessel now and that you are using me for every good work.  I no longer desire the things from my youth such as material things, status and equality.  My heart has been changed to one of humility and sincerity.  I still struggle with pride and selfishness, but by the blood of the cross and the power of the Holy Spirit, I will continually overcome them in service to you.  

Father, continue to fill my heart and soul with your attributes and wisdom so that I may teach and guide believers and non believers in your ways.  It is my desire to tell my story of escaping the suffocating snare of the devil.  You have rescued me God and strengthened me so that I may stand against my adversaries.  You are there to catch me when I fall and you constantly fill me with your love and power.  I will never be defeated again…as long as I live by your precepts and keep my vessel honorable.

 God, it is my desire to change my physical vessel back to the way you designed it to be.  Help me use the wisdom you have given and power of the Holy Spirit to discipline my mind and body so that my health is evident of your presence in my life. 

 To you be honor and glory in all I say, do, eat and live.

In Jesus Holy and Honorable Name

Sunday, May 3, 2009


     This week, God taught me that as great and wonderful as it is to be enveloped by his presence, the intensity is too great for our mortal beings to sustain it for a long period of time.

    Like the tiny, white pear blossoms that have graced my yard with their beauty for the past 3 weeks, and started raining down on my driveway and car over the past week, God's incredible and fragrant blessings have been blooming in my life and the lives of other people I worship corporately with.  This past Thursday, at our weekly worship practice, God reminded me that the petals are falling but there's still more.

     As I was driving to worship practice, I began to ask God what he wanted to teach me.  I knew this past week was "peek week" for me because I felt as though I had reached a pinnacle in my walk with God...only to discover so much more yet to learn and experience. I asked God "What's next?  What do you want me to do or learn now?"  This is the message I received:

    I have bloomed, yet again.  The blossoms on the vine inspire beauty and hope of fruit.  But the graceful petals are falling to the ground and you are the leaves that must continue the work I have started in you.  It is the leaves of the vine that soak in the sunshine so my vine can produce food to feed the whole vine.  It is the leaf that grows bigger each day until maturity and then continues to do the job it is designed to do...produce food for the growth of fruit.  "I am the vine and you are the branches" with leaves.  Continue  my work until the seasons change again.  Then you will rest and I will redesign you for the next season.  

     My effectiveness is manifested in your growth on the vine.  Continue growing with me and I will bless you with fruit that will weigh your branches to the point of bending but you will not break.  Those who thirst and hunger for me will pick your fruit and find life in me.

     What you are doing is a hard but beautiful thing.  When the harvest is gathered, we will celebrate.  Thank you my child for being in my vine.

Maybe you have been experiencing growth and blooms in your walk with God.  Praise God for that!  Don't be discouraged when the "pretty" part of that journey seems to fade.  Be encouraged that you may be in the life-giving stage of your walk with God.    

John 15:4-6 (New International Version)

4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

 5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.

Keep growing and seeking God.