I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS SO HEAVY!

We started family counseling this week, to help my son deal with his PSD. As is typical with most teenagers, my son has a hard time getting along with his dad (my husband). My son was very anxious going into this meeting for fear that they would be arguing. I was grateful that our therapist was able to give both my husband and our son some tools for improving their communication.

As we neared the end of our hour long session, I was over whelmed with relief (to the point of tears) in my heart by the fact that someone else was helping me manage this huge problem that had started to consume our family. I had no idea that the weight of the burden I was carrying was so heavy until someone else took from me for a while. Even though I had, in my heart and mind, given this worry to God and felt peace about it, I was still carrying around the weight of the situation. Wow! What a relief to finally trust someone else to handle my problems.

I am excited that the skills we will all learn from this therapy, will strengthen our different relationships. Already I am beginning to see a small difference. Thank you God, please continue to teach us how to use the weapons you have given us to fight the battle before us and to lean on you and your power to overcome.

"Blessed be the LORD, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle;
he is my steadfast love and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer,
my shield and he in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me."
Psalm 144: 1-2 (ESV)

What struggles or battles in your life are you still struggling with? Have you REALLY given responsibility over to God? If you have trouble doing that, pray that God will send someone your way to help you let go of it.

LINGER

Daddy (Abba) I love you.
Daddy (Abba) I need you.

Daddy (Abba) won't you stay a while longer?
I love your embrace, the warmth of your face,
the fresh smell of rain

when you shower your grace.

I wish we never had to part.
I wish your Spirit would
linger on my lips, linger in my soul,
linger in my heart.

Jesus I love you.

Jesus I need you.

I'm not worthy of such love and affection.
Sin still haunts my body and soul.
Why Lord do you wait so long
to establish on earth your perfect song?

I wish we never had to part.
I wish your Spirit would
linger on my lips, linger in my soul,
linger in my heart.

MY SOUL THIRSTS FOR YOU

All week, God has been speaking to me through Psalm 63. A psalm David wrote when he was in the wilderness of Judah running for his life from King Saul. Here is a man, anointed to become the next king, but being hunted by the current king. Even in his dangerous situation, David remembered the love of God and worshiped Him with his words and thoughts.

"O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory.

Because your stead fast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.

So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.

My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me." Psalm 63:1-8


I have become acquainted with this thirst that David mentions in the first verse. Over the past year and a half, during my restoration period, my perception of God has grown from a loving, powerful God in control of the universe (including me) to that of long awaited lover who finally brushes lips with me, yet doesn't linger there. It's not that God pulls away or plays hard to get, but that I am not able to sustain that full embrace yet.

I have on several occasions been so overwhelmed by the presence of God with me that I was either laid out on the floor being renewed by the Holy Spirit or literally breathing hard with my heart beating fast. Just recently, when pouring my heart out from pain and sorrow, I got another brush of God's touch. It left me with an aching desire for more of that intimacy with God.

There is this place in the center of my body that no one can touch except God. Even as I speak about it now, I can feel it begin to wheal up inside of me and that thirst that David talks about is so strong that nothing can quench it except that touch from God.

What is your personal relationship with God like? Do you love Him or are you IN LOVE with Him? If you want a deeper, more meaningful relationship with God, then I challenge you to go where he goes...to the needy, to do what he does...give God first priority in your life, actions, decisions - ALL OF IT, then pray what he prayed..."Not my will but yours..." Then, at the same time act as if you really are in love with him and spend time alone with God, praying, listening and reading his love letter to you - the Bible. He has already died to know you, don't keep him waiting any longer. Pretty soon, you will begin to feel Him caress that inner being of your soul and you will not be able to get enough.

Let me know how it works out for you.

THE FISHING TRIP

A tangible answer to one of my hard questions in

“WASHED IN WORSHIP”

With the chance of rain 100% our small, church group of eight kids and six adults caravanned 30 miles to go fishing. I was prepared with poles, tackle, bait, rain gear, snacks, water, camp chairs, a change of clothes for my preschool daughter and a good attitude. All was smooth sailing until I got out of the car and met my teenage son who had been riding in another car. Holding his bottom like a toddler, he said I have to go really bad. The bathroom is way up there and I can’t make it, I’m going to go in the woods. I handed him two tissues and he took off.

I’ll save you smelly details and just tell you that when he was done, there was no way he could stay and fish. His hands, pants, shirt and shoes were all contaminated. Not just a little, but a lot! A good mom is always thinking on her feet. We washed as much off as possible using bottled water, and then hand sanitizer, but the mom and 10 years of OSHA training in me would not let me allow him to even go near the other people. At first I was upset, but God quickly reminded me of a similar experience I had only two months prior. So with compassion in my heart, I placed a trash bag down on the back seat for my son to sit on and we headed back home.

During this humiliating return trip, God did some powerful teaching. I love how God uses our lowest places to teach us his ways. After the first few silent minutes in the car, I shared with my son a time when I was stuck on the interstate with no way to turn around for an hour and had stomach cramps and needed to go to the bathroom. I ended up filling my pants and then had to drive more than an hour to get home. I told my son that from that experience I learned I have no control over my life and that the Bible tells us that “our righteousness is as filthy rags.” I said the very best we have to offer God is like the shitty mess we were both in. Yet, God loves us anyway. “God loves you too,” I told him, “just as you are, shit and all. There is nothing we can do to make our selves good enough for God. He doesn’t expect us to clean ourselves up before coming to him and committing our lives to him.”

After taking a shower and putting on clean clothes, my son said with sincerity, “Mom, thanks for driving me home to clean up. I feel so much better.” I looked him straight in the face and said, “Son, that’s what God wants to do with your life. He wants to take you home, clean you up and love you with no punishment or ridicule. Then you will be ready to face the world.”

We talked some more on the 30 mile trip back to the lake where everyone else was fishing. God delivered so many messages to my son, that I can not even remember them all. I just know that I was so excited to have been a usable vessel to share the love of God with my son. He did get to fish a little and the pastor even cooked some more hotdogs for him to eat. What had the potential to be a complete disaster, turned out to be the most meaningful and beautiful time I have ever spent with my son.

What about you? Are you still trying to offer your best (shitty, filthy rags) to God in exchange for his love? Give up my friend. All God wants you to do is just let him clean you up. He will not be-little you or ridicule you. He is gentle and kind and loves you just as you are.

“All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away.” Isaiah 64:6 (NLT)

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 (NIV)