CATHEDRAL CALLING

My friend and mentor, Alice, suggested that we go to Washington National Cathedral because of an epiphany she had received recently. She felt there was a reason we were to go there. I was very intrigued by this request and wondered what might happen. I have had several encounters with God, some of which were very powerful and personal. I had high expectations when we eagerly arrived at the massive stone structure built specifically for a place of worship to GOD.

Because I had been to the Cathedral before, I was not surprised by the incredible size of the building, or the fact that it was built out of stone over a 90 year span beginning in 1900. I was enamored though, by the beauty of the stain glass windows, intricate carvings, beautiful tapestries and the fact that world dignitaries had been in that very place to worship and pay respects to world famous people who had passed on.

As we toured the massive place of worship, I was drawn to just be still and listen. I tried to steal quiet moments while moving about. I lit some candles for family and friends, prayed for them, attended a noon worship service and enjoyed a bag lunch on the 7th floor observation tower. I must say that there wasn’t any one specific, spectacular moment when God revealed himself to me or her. At first it was a bit disappointing, but quickly I remembered that God is not always in the obvious or grandiose.

However, we did pray for an older man who had trouble walking because his knees hurt…God was there. I did spend some time kneeling and praying for God to walk with me and help me to recognize his voice better…God was there. We both lit candles for family and friends and prayed for them and for the Holy Spirit to fill us and guide us in our callings…God was there. On the way home, we worshiped to Michael W. Smith’s music…God was there. The next day, when I reflected upon my trip to the Cathedral and asked God what He wanted me to glean from my experience; He told me that I need go no further than my own heart to find him…God is always there.

The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire cam1e a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

1 Kings 19:11-13

What about you? Do you go looking for God in “holy places”? Do you wait to “see Him” on Sundays? Do you ever expect to meet God during your regular routine? Living as a child of THE King is never routine. Everyday is a new adventure in hearing God’s voice, seeing his miracles, living his truth. We don’t need high and mighty places to meet God…but it is nice to “go with” God to special places and just love on each other. How is God pouring his love on you right now? What is your plan to love on God today? Expect Him to love you back even more.

LINGER

Daddy (Abba) I love you.
Daddy (Abba) I need you.

Daddy (Abba) won't you stay a while longer?
I love your embrace, the warmth of your face,
the fresh smell of rain

when you shower your grace.

I wish we never had to part.
I wish your Spirit would
linger on my lips, linger in my soul,
linger in my heart.

Jesus I love you.

Jesus I need you.

I'm not worthy of such love and affection.
Sin still haunts my body and soul.
Why Lord do you wait so long
to establish on earth your perfect song?

I wish we never had to part.
I wish your Spirit would
linger on my lips, linger in my soul,
linger in my heart.

MY SOUL THIRSTS FOR YOU

All week, God has been speaking to me through Psalm 63. A psalm David wrote when he was in the wilderness of Judah running for his life from King Saul. Here is a man, anointed to become the next king, but being hunted by the current king. Even in his dangerous situation, David remembered the love of God and worshiped Him with his words and thoughts.

"O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory.

Because your stead fast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.

So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.

My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me." Psalm 63:1-8


I have become acquainted with this thirst that David mentions in the first verse. Over the past year and a half, during my restoration period, my perception of God has grown from a loving, powerful God in control of the universe (including me) to that of long awaited lover who finally brushes lips with me, yet doesn't linger there. It's not that God pulls away or plays hard to get, but that I am not able to sustain that full embrace yet.

I have on several occasions been so overwhelmed by the presence of God with me that I was either laid out on the floor being renewed by the Holy Spirit or literally breathing hard with my heart beating fast. Just recently, when pouring my heart out from pain and sorrow, I got another brush of God's touch. It left me with an aching desire for more of that intimacy with God.

There is this place in the center of my body that no one can touch except God. Even as I speak about it now, I can feel it begin to wheal up inside of me and that thirst that David talks about is so strong that nothing can quench it except that touch from God.

What is your personal relationship with God like? Do you love Him or are you IN LOVE with Him? If you want a deeper, more meaningful relationship with God, then I challenge you to go where he goes...to the needy, to do what he does...give God first priority in your life, actions, decisions - ALL OF IT, then pray what he prayed..."Not my will but yours..." Then, at the same time act as if you really are in love with him and spend time alone with God, praying, listening and reading his love letter to you - the Bible. He has already died to know you, don't keep him waiting any longer. Pretty soon, you will begin to feel Him caress that inner being of your soul and you will not be able to get enough.

Let me know how it works out for you.

THE LETTER

When I was a little girl, about 3 years old, my daddy worked in Vietnam as a civilian on American aircraft, because it was good money. It kept him away from his family – me, my two older brothers and my mom, but he was able to provide for his family. I remember my daddy would send me gifts in the mail and letters telling me how much he loved me and for me to be a big girl for mommy. I still remember this one particular letter he wrote. It was on very thin, delicate stationary with pretty flowers on it. I remember the international envelope it came in with all the postmarks on the front. Since I was too young to read, my mother would read it for me. Every time she would start reading, she would have to stop because it would make me cry. I missed him so much. I was just a tiny girl. How could I have loved him so much? My mother was very good to me and my brothers. She always made sure all our needs were met. She poured herself into us during the time my daddy was away. I loved my mother just as much as my daddy, but he wasn’t there and I needed him emotionally to make my life complete.

This weekend at our ladies retreat, there was a letter address to each of us lying on our pillow. I knew what it was because my husband had let the cat out of the bag last Sunday, by apologizing for not writing me a note. I encouraged him to try anyway and then forgot about it. After our icebreaker activity, during our break, I went to my bedroom and read my letter. I know my husband wrote it because he said he loved me "more than chicken nuggets." That is an expression my son coined when he was only 3 years old (for he absolutely loved chicken nuggets...and still does) and has been a statement of just how big our love is for each other. Everytime I took out the letter to read during the retreat, I was overcome with emotion, just like when my mother used to read my daddy's letter to me. My husband wrote such a simple love letter to me, but he hardly ever writes me love letters or even sends me cards, so this was a real shocker. I immediately thought about my daddy’s “love” letter to me when I was three years old. I felt like that little girl again, unable to take in just how much someone would love me.

Why God is that so scary for me? Is my whole concept of love based upon the love of the two most important men in my life? Why does so much rest on those relationships? An even bigger why is WHY is it difficult for me? I still have a loving relationship with my father who eventually came home to live with us and he and my mother became Christians and raised me and my brothers in a Christian home. I have always felt love and acceptance from my father and allowed him to do things for me…but as a young adult and now a middle aged adult, I still find it hard to accept other people’s love for me…including yours God. I’m getting better at it, but to actually become vulnerable and rest in someone’s love is very difficult. I have spent the past 20+ years becoming self sufficient and not dependant upon others for my needs, for the sheer frustration of always being disappointed.

Now this letter from my husband expressing his love for me and acknowledging what is important to me, a deeper walk with you God, is exactly what I’ve been praying for and it melts my heart. I've never heard him express his gratitude and love toward me like he did in that letter. It takes two people to "hear", one to express and one to receive. Perhaps I have not been receiving what he's been saying to me these past 21 years. But even more than the expression of love, he goes on to tell me what his hope is for me during this retreat which tells me he cares about what I care about, a deeper relationship with God. He truly connected with me on all levels. I am so lucky and blessed. How God, how do I embrace this kind of unconditional love? How do I take the clothes off of my defense system and just be loved…by my husband and by you?

God the other night you laid me down and poured your love all over my body and soul. Your peaceful yet powerful, healing Spirit, cooled and soothed my aching body and soul. You released me from the grip of pain in my neck and back. Allowing myself to be completely at rest in your arms was a step toward deeper intimacy with you, God. I am learning to be still and let you love me. Thank you for breaking the yoke of self sufficiency. Please continue to teach me to depend upon you for all of my needs…not just my spiritual ones, but my physical and emotional ones too. Dependence upon you is not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it’s the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. Thank you God for wooing me and going slowly with me, for I am still that little girl who loves and misses her daddy…even if YOU haven’t gone anywhere.

I’m ready to grow up Papa God. I’m ready to move on to the next level in our relationship. Let me hold your hand and walk with you. Don’t let me wonder too far anymore. Keep me close by. Show me again how to dance with you and be joyful.

“My beloved speaks and says to me, “Arise, my love, my beautiful one. And come away, for behold the winter is past the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land.”

Song of Solomon 2:10-12