STILL HERE!

Hi readers! I just wanted to connect with all of you. God is busy at work in my life and the lives of my family members. There is much to share about what we are all learning and how we are growing. So much, in fact, that I am still processing it all and journaling by hand. As soon as I can, you can expect to find new posts about the lessons and miracles God is working in our lives.

Praying that everyone is well, seeking the presence of God and fighting the good fight.

Isaiah 40:31 (Amplified Bible)

³¹But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired.

DATE WITH GOD

Recently, during our praise and worship practice which we now call, "A Date with God," I watched my daughter flit in and out of our prayer circle. She started out right next to me then her 4 year old body just had to move. I know she was tuned into what we were saying because she would come over to me, hold my hand, or signal to be picked up and she too, would place her hand on whomever we were praying for. At one time she pushed both of my hands up in the air as if to say total surrender to God!

As she flitted in and out of our circle, I thought of the Holy Spirit and how He ministers to each one us at the same time. It was like she was trying to "be" everywhere the Spirit was working. Finally, when our prayer time was over and we began to sing, my spirit was still restless and my voice just wouldn't cooperate - neither would my daughter. I asked he if she wanted me to lay down beside her on the floor (she'd brought her sleeping bag). Of course she agreed so I grabbed my Bible and journal and laid down beside her. Inwardly, I welcomed the quiet time.

As I laid there reading my Bible, praying and journaling, I looked over at my daughter's big, brown eyes and sweet smile and whispered, "I love you!". She whispered back that she loved me too and then shut her eyes and went to sleep. I couldn't help but think about Psalm 23 where it says "He makes me to lay down by still waters". I guess I needed to lay down and be still. I did have a meaningful quiet time and connected with my Savior. God made me lay down by still waters through my daughter's need to lay down.

Great Shepherd God, help me to always hear you when you call and be touchable in all situations by your Holy Spirit. I long for the day when my touchable moments are longer than my selfish moments.

Psalm 23

¹ The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

² He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,

³ he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

CATHEDRAL CALLING

My friend and mentor, Alice, suggested that we go to Washington National Cathedral because of an epiphany she had received recently. She felt there was a reason we were to go there. I was very intrigued by this request and wondered what might happen. I have had several encounters with God, some of which were very powerful and personal. I had high expectations when we eagerly arrived at the massive stone structure built specifically for a place of worship to GOD.

Because I had been to the Cathedral before, I was not surprised by the incredible size of the building, or the fact that it was built out of stone over a 90 year span beginning in 1900. I was enamored though, by the beauty of the stain glass windows, intricate carvings, beautiful tapestries and the fact that world dignitaries had been in that very place to worship and pay respects to world famous people who had passed on.

As we toured the massive place of worship, I was drawn to just be still and listen. I tried to steal quiet moments while moving about. I lit some candles for family and friends, prayed for them, attended a noon worship service and enjoyed a bag lunch on the 7th floor observation tower. I must say that there wasn’t any one specific, spectacular moment when God revealed himself to me or her. At first it was a bit disappointing, but quickly I remembered that God is not always in the obvious or grandiose.

However, we did pray for an older man who had trouble walking because his knees hurt…God was there. I did spend some time kneeling and praying for God to walk with me and help me to recognize his voice better…God was there. We both lit candles for family and friends and prayed for them and for the Holy Spirit to fill us and guide us in our callings…God was there. On the way home, we worshiped to Michael W. Smith’s music…God was there. The next day, when I reflected upon my trip to the Cathedral and asked God what He wanted me to glean from my experience; He told me that I need go no further than my own heart to find him…God is always there.

The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire cam1e a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

1 Kings 19:11-13

What about you? Do you go looking for God in “holy places”? Do you wait to “see Him” on Sundays? Do you ever expect to meet God during your regular routine? Living as a child of THE King is never routine. Everyday is a new adventure in hearing God’s voice, seeing his miracles, living his truth. We don’t need high and mighty places to meet God…but it is nice to “go with” God to special places and just love on each other. How is God pouring his love on you right now? What is your plan to love on God today? Expect Him to love you back even more.

WHEN GOD REIGNS

“We will Glorify”

We will glorify the King of Kings;
We will glorify the Lamb.
We will glorify the Lord of Lords,
Who is the great I AM.

Lord Jehovah reigns in majesty;
We will bow before His throne.
We will worship Him in righteousness;
We will worship Him alone.

He is Lord of heaven, Lord of earth;
He is Lord of all who live.
He is lord above the universe;
All praise to Him we give.

Hallelujah to the King of Kings;
Hallelujah to the Lamb.
Hallelujah to the Lord of Lords,
Who is the great I AM.

Never let me forget whose I am Lord. Let me never bring disgrace upon your name. Help me to hear your voice and follow your steps. Teach me your secret ways oh Lord. Empower me to stand strong against the enemy. Then I will defeat my foes through the power of the blood.

Father, I call upon your healing power to restore the nerves in my body, relieving me from the pain that comes in my hands and neck. I give you total control of my body, the fragile vessel that it is. Refine it and make it pleasing in your sight. I receive your healing, oh God, and praise you for the miraculous wonders you have done, are doing and will do in my life and the lives of my family members. Continue your reign in us.

ALL PRAISE AND HONOR AND GLORY TO JESUS CHRIST
SON OF THE LIVING GOD!

DARE TO BELIEVE!

Matthew 21:18-22 (The Message)

The Withered Fig Tree

^18-20Early the next morning Jesus was returning to the city. He was hungry. Seeing a lone fig tree alongside the road, he approached it anticipating a breakfast of figs. When he got to the tree, there was nothing but fig leaves. He said, "No more figs from this tree—ever!" The fig tree withered on the spot, a dry stick. The disciples saw it happen. They rubbed their eyes, saying, "Did we really see this? A leafy tree one minute, a dry stick the next?"

^21-22But Jesus was matter-of-fact: "Yes—and if you embrace this kingdom life and don't doubt God, you'll not only do minor feats like I did to the fig tree, but also triumph over huge obstacles. This mountain, for instance, you'll tell, 'Go jump in the lake,' and it will jump. Absolutely everything, ranging from small to large, as you make it a part of your believing prayer, gets included as you lay hold of God."

I am beginning to see God work and do miracles in myself, my family and people around me. These miracles are life changing. Some, like in my heart and mind, are long term miracles that only I can really appreciate because I am the only one who knew the depression and torment I felt and am now free from. That healing took place over a long period and was the most remarkable journey I have ever been on.

Miracles I've seen in my family include the gradual emotional healing of my son. The miracle isn't just the change in character and attitude, but the fact that my whole family is surviving this metamorphosis my son must go through to become the beautiful creature God intends for him.

The incredible miracles I have seen in the people in my church include a person being able to walk without a walker or cane anymore; a woman who has full range of motion in her shoulder again and a person whose impaired vision was restored.

I've spent a lot of time wondering how I would feel when the time came that I would see these kinds of healings and miracles. What I've discovered, is that it doesn't matter what I feel. It has nothing to do with feelings and everything to do with believing. Up until now, I've only heard about these kinds of miracles. I've been praying and asking God to let me see his power in healing touches. Now that I have, I find that I am not overcome with intense emotions but rather seem to expect it. I'm not surprised because I believed it was possible.

When God becomes so integrated into your life, your thoughts become His thoughts and His ways your ways. It only seems natural to expect God to take care of his creation and set it right if only we believe and ask.

On the other hand, I am surprised that I am not astonished. Is it because I still harbor some doubt? The evidence is there...I saw it. Why are humans creatures of doubt? What happened to that part of the little child we once were that could believe anything and wasn't afraid to show it? I want that lost belief back. I want to be ecstatic when I hear about someone receiving healing from God almighty. I want to pray believing and seeing results.

I want to see your Glory Oh God!

CRISIS FROM HAITI TO HERE

Crisis is...
Natural Disaster...Financial Disaster...Personal Disaster...
Emotional Disaster...Medical Disaster...
Death...Sickness...Abuse...Divorce...Crime

Crisis is the work of the enemy.

Answers.com defines Crisis as:

1. 1. A crucial or decisive point or situation; a turning point.
   2. An unstable condition, as in political, social, or economic affairs, involving an impending abrupt or decisive change.
2. A sudden change in the course of a disease or fever, toward either improvement or deterioration.
3. An emotionally stressful event or traumatic change in a person's life.

The opposite of crisis according to Answers.com is
"calm, peace".

A friend of mine brought up this topic recently during a women's gathering because many of the people in our group and around us are in crisis. Haiti is in crisis because of an earthquake. Many people are in financial crisis because of the economy. An older couple I know had to recently move into assisted living. Two of my neighbors have had a death in their family plus my own family had a death. Several people I know, are dealing with emotional crisis including my own son and my family.

God doesn't tell us that life will be a bed of roses. In fact, he made it clear that in the world we will have trouble...but not to give up...

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

John 16:33 (NI V)

What about you? Are you in crisis? Have you told anyone about your crisis? Asking for help does not make you a failure. How can people help you if you don't ask or at least tell someone you trust about your crisis?

Do you know someone who is in crisis? What can you do to help them? Most people aren't looking for you to solve their problems, they really just want someone to listen to them. Take time to talk and listen and find out what the need is and then ask God to guide you to your next step. Sometimes what your friend in crisis needs is a break from the crisis. Offer to watch their kids so they can take a break. Invite them to dinner or out for coffee. A close friend kept my kids for the weekend to give me a break from my crisis. In turn, my husband and I invited a man from our church who has no job and never really gets to go anywhere, to ride along with us to pick up our kids. We didn't talk about our problems, we just enjoyed each others' company.

Maybe what your friend in crisis needs is help finding resources to help them. Offer time on your computer, brainstorm with them, make phone calls to find out what options are available for them.

Maybe you can send money to support the Haiti relief. Maybe you are able to volunteer to go to Haiti and help out. Maybe you can organize some sort of relief effort in your home town to help victims of natural disasters. Maybe all you can do is pray for them. Prayer is something we all can do for each other. There is a higher power who knows no boundries.

Nothing is Impossible for God!

INDESCRIBABLE

Well, it’s been a while since I used my “pen” to process difficult stuff in my life, yet here I am in a really tough place. My husband and I, along with a wonderful Christian therapist, are helping our teenage son heal from sexual abuse that has been locked away in his past. He is doing really well, but the fallout from this kind of abuse is very deep, multilayered and complicated by characteristics associated with Asperger Syndrome, which means his perception of reality isn’t always accurate.

I am happy to say that I don’t feel like I am “in this tough place AGAIN”. I used to think “why me?” “Why do crummy things always happen to me?” I used to feel like God was punishing me or that I was punishing myself for disobedient spiritual behavior. I do not think like that anymore.

I AM FREE!

I am free from the guilt trip and self bashing. I am free to embrace my hurt and pain and receive God’s love through it. It is a totally different mind set and perspective to my situation.

There IS hope.

There IS love.

There IS direction.

No, the problem hasn’t gone away, on the contrary, it seems to be getting worse, yet I feel God’s love and power stronger than ever. I don’t feel out of control even though I have no control over this horrific problem.

There is no despair,

only COMFORT for the pain…yes there is still pain.

There is no anxiety of hopelessness,

only ASSURANCE that answers will come and JOY will return.

This is the most incredible state of being I have ever been in.

My pain is real.

My hurt is huge.

And yes, I have cried about it and feel sorrow,

BUT

God has flooded my heart with

INDESCRIBABLE LOVE.

COMFORT and

OVERWHELMING PEACE.

Friends, what is your relationship with God like? When you are totally surrendered to him, Satan has no hold on you. It doesn't mean your problems will go away. On the contrary, they may increase, however, you will not feel defeated or beat down. You will be strong and empowered...but not because of anything you do. All because of the power of the Holy Spirit. Anyone can have this peace that passes all understanding, God makes it available to everyone who seeks it and claims it.

Seize it!

"For God shows no partiality."

Romans 2:11 (ESV)

(Bible Gateway.com)

YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN IT'S YOUR LAST

I was rudely reminded today just how fragile our lives really are. My niece's husband went into the hospital this morning with pneumonia and about 12 hours later, was dead. He leaves behind a wife who is 28, a son who is 7, a daughter who is 5 and a baby boy who is 1. I just saw my nephew-in-law two months ago. He was alive and well.

People, you never when it's your last time to kiss your children good night. You never know when it's your last time to tell your spouse you love him or her. You never know when you stand before God almighty. Are you ready? Do you know Jesus Christ personally? If you died today do you know if you would go to Heaven or Hell? You can know. Everyone needs this relationship and God wants you back in the family.

Whatever is keeping you from beginning that relationship with God, isn't worth it. Make right now the point you will change your whole life. Talk with God, tell him you are sorry for all the wrong in your life and that you want to make a change. Invite Jesus into your heart and ask him to clean up your mess. When you do that, the Holy Spirit will bathe you in love and forgiveness and change your despair into hope and peace.

DON'T WAIT! This may be the last thing you read before you die.

If you know my Jesus, then make right now the point you will start telling others about the blessed gift of life through Jesus Christ. You never know when it will be your last opportunity to do so.

"This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person's failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him.

John 3:16-18 (The Message)

WORSHIP LIKE A CHILD

During last Sunday's service, my daughter was all over the sanctuary while I was singing with the praise and worship team. She came up to stand with me a couple of times and really enjoyed the music. As the worship time extended, she became restless until I finally got her brother to take her to the fellowship hall.

There was a time that behavior would have been annoying to me and even prevent me from entering into worship. I am happy to say, not anymore. My reward for not over reacting to her behavior is listening to her sit at my feet while I write this blog. She is playing with her new wedding Barbie and pretending to sing on stage (like her mom). What caught my attention, was the expression and intensity in her voice. It sounded like she was talking right to Jesus' himself.

She may only be four years old, but I know she has a personal knowledge of Jesus Christ. Even before she could speak understandably, she would pray. I know she was praying, because I had taught her sign language for God and she was using it over and over. She would utter sounds I didn't understand then say
"Amen."

What a delight to hear your child sing and make up songs about praising God during her play time. While she seemed to have been a distraction at church, she was actually listening and learning. Thank you God, for keeping me calm and focused on you while being a part of my daughter's spiritual growth. Please continue to teach me to worship you through her innocence.

Psalm 134:2 (NIV)

Lift up your hands in the sanctuary
and praise the LORD.

"MARY DID YOU KNOW?"

What is your favorite Christmas song? Mine has to be "Mary Did You Know?" I love the perspective it brings to the reality of not just having a baby, but having God's baby! My favorite phrase in the song is, "Mary did you know, when you kissed his face, you kissed the face of God?" What an honor to have had. To be holding this tiny baby so dependent upon others to care for him and know that you must depend solely on him for redemption with God.

Recently, I heard an episode of "Down Gilead Lane" on the radio where they told the story of Jesus' birth through the eyes of a 14 year old girl...Mary's perspective. I encourage you to check out this link and go listen to the show. If you aren't interested in the whole episode, then just go near the end of the program and listen to the story the 14 year old female character writes about how Mary must of have felt. It is well worth you time. If you are a softie like me, you might grab a few tissues...you'll need them. Go to this web site http://www.cbhministries.org/dgl/home.php click on "episodes" and look for FROM MARY WITH LOVE.

No matter what perspective you look at Jesus' birth, I hope you will look at it and consider it's importance. God chose to take 76 generations (through Mary's linage) of people to bring his son into the picture so that we might have eternal life and enjoy restored fellowship with our creator. God is patient and is waiting for all of his children to return to Him; however, he won't wait forever. What are you doing today to claim that promised forgiveness and restored fellowship with God? If you have claimed it for yourself, what are you doing to help others claim it? What are you doing to live out your faith and belief in God?

HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS? WHERE IS HOME FOR YOU?

If you live long enough, you have the misfortune of "celebrating" holidays without a dear loved one who has passed away. No matter how hard you try to "keep tradition" it is never the same. Decorations can look the same, activities and people sound the same and sometimes even the food can taste the same, but something is always "not quite right."

I watched this happen to my mother after her parents died when I was a teenager. I couldn't understand the magnitude of her loss and the sadness that prevailed even though the rest of us tried so hard to make things cheerful for her.

Eight years ago, when my own mother passed away in November, I finally understood the depth of sadness she must have felt. My first holiday celebrations were basically ritualistic and void of any feelings. My family and I were consoled by friends and included in their celebrations or we broke tradition and did something totally different. Friends tried hard to make things better and joyous but I remember how empty it all seemed.

After that life changing event, I found myself trying to duplicate certain food dishes or experiences in an effort to reconnect with my mother and "home". I remember the year my daughter was born, and she was too young to travel 1,300 miles to see family. That Christmas, was the saddest Christmas of my whole life, even sadder than when my mother died. You see my husband and I waited 17 years to conceive this child (our oldest is adopted but loved as much as if he were born to us). I was sad because I had the best gift in the world and I couldn't share her with my family. Even more heart breaking, my daughter would never know her "Me-ma".

Recently, during our annual visit back to where my husband and I grew up, we visited with more than 80 relatives over a two week period. For my husband's mother, it was an especially sad Thanksgiving, as her sister had unexpectedly died just 7 weeks before. Her whole family would be gathering for Thanksgiving. For the siblings, husband and children who came and tried to "carry on as normal" it must have been difficult. It was comforting I'm sure for them to be with family, but painful at the same time. So many memories, so much fresh pain still lingering in their hearts. To top it all off, the woman who had died, would have celebrated her birthday that same weekend.

The death of a loved one changes you forever. Even knowing that those who have passed on before us are in heaven and we will see them some day, it is still difficult to move forward. It's like life just grabs you and drags you along. I can't imagine not knowing Jesus Christ and having the assurance of seeing them again.

A result of my recent maturity is knowing that my comfort is no longer found in the assurance I'll see my mother and other dead relatives again, it comes from knowing that Jesus is my brother, Lord and Savior - family. That home is heaven, not here on earth. My longing is not to see my loved ones who have passed on, but rather to see Jesus face to face for the first time. That is my longing.

Friends, family is valuable and an important gift from God, but our desire should always be to know intimately, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ and the heart of God. If you have never really taken time to get to know Jesus, it's never to late. Spend some time with him today.

"I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and exult in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High." Psalm 9:1-2

GLAD TO BE HOME

Hi readers. Sorry for no post last week. Holiday travel was starting to wear on me. I am still processing the wonderful, annual visit we had with family last month. We had nice long visits with nearly all of our extended families. I had a "Big Toe" reunion with my exclusive, four member "Big Toe" buddies. This was the first time we had all been together at the same time since college 20 years ago...gosh has it really been 20 years! I can't possibly be that old!


As much as I enjoyed renewing family ties, I was equally blessed by the reception I received from our neighbors and friends upon our return. Hugs were longer and tighter. Smiles were brighter. Appreciation was expressed repeatedly. My daughter is still begging to see her best friend again and again. My son's anticipation of seeing his "girlfriend" keeps mounting.


Home really is where your heart is. It's here in West Virginia and it's in Oklahoma too. My "Big Toe" buddies were surprised to hear me say "back in my home town" (referring to my WV home) when were were sitting in the town I grew up in. That place is where my family lives, but it isn't my "home" anymore. My heart is wherever God wants it to be. Where my heart is there my treasure will be also. My heart and home is right where I am (which ever state that may be in).


Thank you God for giving me such a wonderful gift of renewed relationships with family, friends and neighbors. May I never take any of them for granted or ignore them. Thank you for touching other lives through my presence in this world. May you continue to use me to touch others for you in spite of my sinful self. Thank you for helping me discern the value of relationships and for strengthening them through your bond of love.

Matthew 6:21 (NIV)

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

YOU KNOW ME based on Psalm 139

O Lord, you have checked me out completely
And know everything about me.
You know when I sleep and when I’m awake.
You even know what I am thinking when I think you are far away.
You even look for me and check out the direction I am going when I am busy or even when I am just resting.
You know all of the secret things about me and the way I do things.
Even before I can say a word,
You know what I’m going to say and why I’m going to say it!

You care so much about me that you completely encircle me
and bubble me with your protection.
This knowledge is too much for me to comprehend.
How could I ever deserve such love?
Where can I go to escape your Spirit?
Or where can run to that I might avoid your presence?
If I went to outer space, you are there!
If I lived in the belly of the earth, you are there!
Even when I go to school or face my tormentors,
Your hand is there to lead me and protect me.

If I say the anguish and pain in my stomach shall kill me
And the torment of surviving stressful situations shall destroy me,
Even the pain and torment is not a match for your awesome love for me;
Anguish and stress are dissolved by your power.
For you made my inward parts,
You carefully designed me in my mother’s womb.

I will PRAISE YOU for I am uniquely and wonderfully made!
Everything you make is awesome, somehow my soul knows this.
I was not a surprise to you when I was being formed in the secret place.
Every detail of my body and life were intricately designed by you.
You saw me before I was formed and placed me in your special book.
There you planned my life before I was even born.

Oh God, your thoughts are so special to me.
There are so many!
Counting them would be like counting the grains of sand.
Even in reality, you are with me, not just in my thoughts.
Oh how I wish you would rescue me from the anxiety that tears at my stomach.
Oh nausea and pain depart from me forever!
They seek to destroy my life and steal my confidence.
Together they seek to steal the joy of my salvation.

I hate those who come against you oh Lord.
They are my enemies.
Search me O God, and know my heart!
Test me and know my thoughts!
Let me know if there is anything I do that grieves you.
Lead me into a life of everlasting joy, peace and love with you.

Have you allowed a situation in your life to rule you? Do you fall victim to your tormentors when they strike at you? There is a way to overcome ANYTHING that may seek to destroy you. When you claim the power of Jesus Christ, you have at your disposal the most powerful force in all creation! If you know this Jesus Christ personally, then stop living defeated and begin claiming the power intrusted to you. If you don't know know Jesus Christ personally, then all you need to do is seek him with all of your heart, begin a conversation with him and believe he wants to be your savior and friend. Then invite him into your heart to live forever with you. If you need more information, then send me an email and I'd be happy to tell you more about knowing this God of the universe who designed you before you were born.

THE MISSING PIECE

For the past week, my kids and I have been putting together a 1,000 piece puzzle with an American flag, sunset and a bald eagle on it. After finally getting the last few (really hard) pieces in their designated place, we still had a hole. One piece was missing.

I knew it was missing for a couple of days, but was not able to find it anywhere. I had resolved to accept the fact that the piece was missing and probably was missing when I bought it (used).

My, now four year old, daughter was looking at the puzzle and said, "Oh Mommy, one piece is missing." I said "Yes, I know." She began looking for the missing piece. She insisted that the piece was in this soft sided box I keep school stuff in and was looking through it to find the piece.

I tried to convince her that it was gone and not in the box. When she would not give up looking in the school box for the missing piece, I agreed to look in there for her. As I started taking items out of the box, I very quickly saw the missing piece. She had been right! How did she know it was there?

My answer to that question is that from her perspective, low to the ground, she had a different view of life and objects. Why she didn't say something sooner, I'll never know. I learned a couple of lessons from her and the puzzle.

I learned never to give up. It was quite challenging to complete the puzzle. I found great satisfaction seeing it come together. I even gave up a couple of nights on Facebook and email to work on the puzzle. The greatest lesson I learned, is that EVERYONE has something to contribute to the family. My daughter, because of her keen observation, was able to put in the coveted "last piece" of the puzzle in making it complete.

This reminded me that God uses the most unlikely people of this world to carry out his plans.

1 Corinthians 1:26-31 (New International Version)

²⁶Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. ²⁷But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. ²⁸He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, ²⁹so that no one may boast before him. ³⁰It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. ³¹Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."


Do you feel like you are not usable by God? None of us are worthy, but all of us are desirable to God. He loves us no matter what. Question is, will you accept God's gift of love and in return, love him back? When you do, he will use the person you have become to do incredible things to advance his kingdom.

THE POWER OF THE FATHER

My daughter loves the movie "The Game Plan" (mostly for the big ballet scene in it) where a famous pro football player suddenly becomes responsible for an 8 year old daughter he didn't know existed. In this one scene, the father is talking to his daughter's ballet teacher who has come to rescue him from a girly-girl party at the mall. He comments that "moms" seem to make it all look so easy and doesn't know if he has what it takes to be a good parent. Then the ballet teacher tells him not to underestimate the power of the father. She says that fathers are there to catch you when you fall, pick you up, dust you off and encourage you to try again. While it's not the only thing fathers are good for, it is an important role.

I have a friend who is a young adult seeking desperatly to find his way in the world. He had a difficult childhood due to circumstances beyond his control and later due to his own choices. The big hang up he has today is his own father's image of who he would become 7 years ago. What we tell our children with our words, and just as loudly, with our actions has an impact on who they become. For the child, who needs acceptance, guidance and encouragement and not be able to get it, can leave a child feeling worthless, defeated, hurt and angry.

We are all born with the desire to love and be loved because we are made in God's image. He wants to be loved too! More importantly, God wants to love us! So how do you move on when your parent relationship, mother or father, doesn't work out the way "it's supposed to"? When parents don't nurture their children and love them the way God intended them to, then over time, hearts become broken, bitter, hurt and indifferent. All my friend wants from his dad is for him to tell him how proud he is of his accomplishments and help him up when he's down. The power of the father, good or bad has a lasting impact on his children.

During the ballet scene of the movie (the part my daughter likes to watch over and over) the football father is one of the dancers. He is very nervous when he discovers that his entire football team is there to watch him dance. It is his dedication to be a good role model for his daughter that gives him strength to go through with the dance. He says to himself "the power of the father, the power of the father". He had just given his daughter a pep talk about not quiting because she was nervous and there he was feeling just as vulnerable as she did.

Parents don't always have their act together and sometimes they find strength to accomplish difficult tasks from their relationship with their children. A "good" parent isn't one that always has the right answers. A good parent is one that walks ALONG SIDE their child during the good and bad times. A good parent teaches their child to recognize what causes the pain and suffering but gives their child the freedom to make choices. A good parent isn't afraid to seek help and let their child see them fall and pick themselves back up. There are many good lessons to be learned from failing than succeeding. It is way harder to keep trying when you keep loosing or falling down. Real failure doesn't come from not succeeding, it comes from never trying again.

What about you? How has your father (or mother) influenced you? How does that influence affect your relationship with God?

"I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with loving-kindness." Jeremiah 31:3

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him."
1 John 3:1

I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS SO HEAVY!

We started family counseling this week, to help my son deal with his PSD. As is typical with most teenagers, my son has a hard time getting along with his dad (my husband). My son was very anxious going into this meeting for fear that they would be arguing. I was grateful that our therapist was able to give both my husband and our son some tools for improving their communication.

As we neared the end of our hour long session, I was over whelmed with relief (to the point of tears) in my heart by the fact that someone else was helping me manage this huge problem that had started to consume our family. I had no idea that the weight of the burden I was carrying was so heavy until someone else took from me for a while. Even though I had, in my heart and mind, given this worry to God and felt peace about it, I was still carrying around the weight of the situation. Wow! What a relief to finally trust someone else to handle my problems.

I am excited that the skills we will all learn from this therapy, will strengthen our different relationships. Already I am beginning to see a small difference. Thank you God, please continue to teach us how to use the weapons you have given us to fight the battle before us and to lean on you and your power to overcome.

"Blessed be the LORD, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle;
he is my steadfast love and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer,
my shield and he in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me."
Psalm 144: 1-2 (ESV)

What struggles or battles in your life are you still struggling with? Have you REALLY given responsibility over to God? If you have trouble doing that, pray that God will send someone your way to help you let go of it.

LINGER

Daddy (Abba) I love you.
Daddy (Abba) I need you.

Daddy (Abba) won't you stay a while longer?
I love your embrace, the warmth of your face,
the fresh smell of rain

when you shower your grace.

I wish we never had to part.
I wish your Spirit would
linger on my lips, linger in my soul,
linger in my heart.

Jesus I love you.

Jesus I need you.

I'm not worthy of such love and affection.
Sin still haunts my body and soul.
Why Lord do you wait so long
to establish on earth your perfect song?

I wish we never had to part.
I wish your Spirit would
linger on my lips, linger in my soul,
linger in my heart.

MY SOUL THIRSTS FOR YOU

All week, God has been speaking to me through Psalm 63. A psalm David wrote when he was in the wilderness of Judah running for his life from King Saul. Here is a man, anointed to become the next king, but being hunted by the current king. Even in his dangerous situation, David remembered the love of God and worshiped Him with his words and thoughts.

"O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory.

Because your stead fast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.

So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.

My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me." Psalm 63:1-8


I have become acquainted with this thirst that David mentions in the first verse. Over the past year and a half, during my restoration period, my perception of God has grown from a loving, powerful God in control of the universe (including me) to that of long awaited lover who finally brushes lips with me, yet doesn't linger there. It's not that God pulls away or plays hard to get, but that I am not able to sustain that full embrace yet.

I have on several occasions been so overwhelmed by the presence of God with me that I was either laid out on the floor being renewed by the Holy Spirit or literally breathing hard with my heart beating fast. Just recently, when pouring my heart out from pain and sorrow, I got another brush of God's touch. It left me with an aching desire for more of that intimacy with God.

There is this place in the center of my body that no one can touch except God. Even as I speak about it now, I can feel it begin to wheal up inside of me and that thirst that David talks about is so strong that nothing can quench it except that touch from God.

What is your personal relationship with God like? Do you love Him or are you IN LOVE with Him? If you want a deeper, more meaningful relationship with God, then I challenge you to go where he goes...to the needy, to do what he does...give God first priority in your life, actions, decisions - ALL OF IT, then pray what he prayed..."Not my will but yours..." Then, at the same time act as if you really are in love with him and spend time alone with God, praying, listening and reading his love letter to you - the Bible. He has already died to know you, don't keep him waiting any longer. Pretty soon, you will begin to feel Him caress that inner being of your soul and you will not be able to get enough.

Let me know how it works out for you.

THE FISHING TRIP

A tangible answer to one of my hard questions in

“WASHED IN WORSHIP”

With the chance of rain 100% our small, church group of eight kids and six adults caravanned 30 miles to go fishing. I was prepared with poles, tackle, bait, rain gear, snacks, water, camp chairs, a change of clothes for my preschool daughter and a good attitude. All was smooth sailing until I got out of the car and met my teenage son who had been riding in another car. Holding his bottom like a toddler, he said I have to go really bad. The bathroom is way up there and I can’t make it, I’m going to go in the woods. I handed him two tissues and he took off.

I’ll save you smelly details and just tell you that when he was done, there was no way he could stay and fish. His hands, pants, shirt and shoes were all contaminated. Not just a little, but a lot! A good mom is always thinking on her feet. We washed as much off as possible using bottled water, and then hand sanitizer, but the mom and 10 years of OSHA training in me would not let me allow him to even go near the other people. At first I was upset, but God quickly reminded me of a similar experience I had only two months prior. So with compassion in my heart, I placed a trash bag down on the back seat for my son to sit on and we headed back home.

During this humiliating return trip, God did some powerful teaching. I love how God uses our lowest places to teach us his ways. After the first few silent minutes in the car, I shared with my son a time when I was stuck on the interstate with no way to turn around for an hour and had stomach cramps and needed to go to the bathroom. I ended up filling my pants and then had to drive more than an hour to get home. I told my son that from that experience I learned I have no control over my life and that the Bible tells us that “our righteousness is as filthy rags.” I said the very best we have to offer God is like the shitty mess we were both in. Yet, God loves us anyway. “God loves you too,” I told him, “just as you are, shit and all. There is nothing we can do to make our selves good enough for God. He doesn’t expect us to clean ourselves up before coming to him and committing our lives to him.”

After taking a shower and putting on clean clothes, my son said with sincerity, “Mom, thanks for driving me home to clean up. I feel so much better.” I looked him straight in the face and said, “Son, that’s what God wants to do with your life. He wants to take you home, clean you up and love you with no punishment or ridicule. Then you will be ready to face the world.”

We talked some more on the 30 mile trip back to the lake where everyone else was fishing. God delivered so many messages to my son, that I can not even remember them all. I just know that I was so excited to have been a usable vessel to share the love of God with my son. He did get to fish a little and the pastor even cooked some more hotdogs for him to eat. What had the potential to be a complete disaster, turned out to be the most meaningful and beautiful time I have ever spent with my son.

What about you? Are you still trying to offer your best (shitty, filthy rags) to God in exchange for his love? Give up my friend. All God wants you to do is just let him clean you up. He will not be-little you or ridicule you. He is gentle and kind and loves you just as you are.

“All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away.” Isaiah 64:6 (NLT)

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 (NIV)

WASHED IN WORSHIP

“So close, you’ll never let me go.”

“Time is in your hands, the beginning and the end.”

The day it was confirmed that my son has post-traumatic stress disorder because of sexual and emotional trauma that happened to him over the past 7 years, my heart began to break all over again and my spirit ached and the thought of all that he had been through made me want to vomit. The next day, I attended worship at church. I sat and listened, prayed and sang along. I talked to God very bluntly and honestly from my heart. I only blamed Satan for my son’s injustices, but I still needed to ask God a few hard questions.

Why God didn’t you protect my son? Why did he have to suffer even to this day? I know you know how it feels because you watched your son being tortured and killed. You had the power to stop it, but you didn’t.

Why did you save my son from life on the streets only to be hurt emotionally and sexually? How is he ever going to learn to trust you? He feels you are not there for him.

I prayed for you to protect him each day and comfort him in his sleep at night. He told me that he hears you in his dreams but when he wakes up you are not there and he feels so far away from you.

What can I do to love him more and show him that you do love him? How did Jesus know you still loved him when you turned your back on him while dying on the cross bearing all of sin?

You know God; you are the only one who truly understands how your love works. I need your Holy Spirit to help me understand it.

Even in the pain I will love you…I will trust you…I will praise you.

That’s all I know to do.

___________________________________________________

At this point in worship, I started singing and lifting my hand in praise and adoration to my God and my King my Papa God. In my desire to submit fully to God and show him how much I trust him and love him, I laid down with my face to the floor and my hands out stretched and fully embraced my God, exposing all of my fear and shame and sorrow. It was on my face that God washed me and took my fear, shame and sorrow away. I cried so hard and I was not ashamed. Then came the sweet rest. After resting a long time in his lap with my head on his shoulder, and all the tears were gone and the ache in my stomach was gone and pain in my heart was gone and my fear was gone, I got up and began praising Him in song. As I did, I closed my eyes and felt myself being swirled around and around and actually felt dizzy. But it was a happy place like being twirled around in a circle by my arms with complete abandon and no fear.

Awe, but the deep rest came when everyone prayed for me and my family.

God told me through a person’s prophesy that he was molding my son into the vessel He wants my son to be and that this period of trials and difficulty are part of the shaping process. Tender hands are gently shaping and molding the piece of clay. I was thankful for the tenderness, like the tender touches of the people praying for me.

Another person prayed and told me that when the molding process is done, God will fill my son with His anointing and this anointing will help to strengthen my marriage and ultimately strengthen our family bond.

Then the power of the Holy Spirit came over me and it was more than I could stand – literally. As I relinquished my body to Him, the Holy Spirit began to pray through me. When I got up I felt rested and safe and satisfied. After going home I was happy to see my children and husband. I was joyful and full of energy. As I sang my daughter to sleep, God’s Spirit continued to flow through me and lift my spirits.

All night long, I slept in complete peace. Each time I awoke in the night, I could hear “Oh how He loves you” being sung. The next day God began revealing the answers to my hard questions. While cooking breakfast, God revealed to me that my son was destined for heartache and had he stayed with his biological mother, not only would he be homeless, but orphaned as well and most likely drifting from foster home to foster home. At least with our family, he was in a safe place surrounded by people who love him and can support him.

Then God answered another question I’d been asking for a long time, “Why doesn’t my son have any real friends?” God’s answer: because, with all of his history as it is, the drama of friendships would have perpetuated the confusion causing him more pain and isolation. Right now, this is what he needs.

My family and I have entered a dark and difficult passage on our journey WITH God, but I know he has prepared us for the trip and will carry us all through the myriad of emotions and struggles that we will face in this healing process.

All praise and glory be to God!