Sunday, January 10, 2010


Well, it’s been a while since I used my “pen” to process difficult stuff in my life, yet here I am in a really tough place. My husband and I, along with a wonderful Christian therapist, are helping our teenage son heal from sexual abuse that has been locked away in his past. He is doing really well, but the fallout from this kind of abuse is very deep, multilayered and complicated by characteristics associated with Asperger Syndrome, which means his perception of reality isn’t always accurate.

I am happy to say that I don’t feel like I am “in this tough place AGAIN”. I used to think “why me?” “Why do crummy things always happen to me?” I used to feel like God was punishing me or that I was punishing myself for disobedient spiritual behavior. I do not think like that anymore.


I am free from the guilt trip and self bashing. I am free to embrace my hurt and pain and receive God’s love through it. It is a totally different mind set and perspective to my situation.

There IS hope.

There IS love.

There IS direction.

No, the problem hasn’t gone away, on the contrary, it seems to be getting worse, yet I feel God’s love and power stronger than ever. I don’t feel out of control even though I have no control over this horrific problem.

There is no despair,

only COMFORT for the pain…yes there is still pain.

There is no anxiety of hopelessness,

only ASSURANCE that answers will come and JOY will return.

This is the most incredible state of being I have ever been in.

My pain is real.

My hurt is huge.

And yes, I have cried about it and feel sorrow,


God has flooded my heart with




Friends, what is your relationship with God like? When you are totally surrendered to him, Satan has no hold on you. It doesn't mean your problems will go away. On the contrary, they may increase, however, you will not feel defeated or beat down. You will be strong and empowered...but not because of anything you do. All because of the power of the Holy Spirit. Anyone can have this peace that passes all understanding, God makes it available to everyone who seeks it and claims it.

Seize it!

"For God shows no partiality."

Romans 2:11 (ESV)


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